The State of Texas
“Joining me, Nancy GraceLess, tonight are the two named partners from Scott, Free, & Associates, the pre-eminent defense firm in the country. They’ll be discussing Texas v. I.M. But first, here’s a word from tonight’s sponsor, Scott, Free, & Associates.”
“And we’re back. So Mr. Scott, Free can you explain why this case is so important?”
“Well it’s pretty simple, Nancy. This case may rewrite criminal law here in America.”
“That doesn’t sound simple at all. #NancyDoesn’tGetIt”
“If Texas v. I.M. proceeds past summary judgment, the prosecution has made it clear it will enforce the new, and highly controversial, GBH statute.”
“Let’s be clear, Mr. Scott. What does GBH stand for?”
“Nancy, what it boils down to is grievous bludgeoning harm.”
“Speaking of boiling things down, on tomorrow’s show we’ll look at the case against Laverne Hall. Did she murder her husband and his lover in a hot tub, you decide. #BoiledToDeath”
“Nancy, if I may, the GBH statute is controversial because of its potentially discriminatory impact.”
“Discrimination is always welcome on my show, Mr. Free. #GraceLessSays”
“Yes, well, many believe this statute singles out a small group of people and subjects them to potential harassment, frivolous law suits, and legal actions, like this case.”
“Enough legalese Mr. Free, let’s boil things down again. The group you’re worried about consists solely of super people like your client, Iron Man. The GBH statute aims to curtail the serious and dangerous collateral damage he and his kind leave behind.
So Mr. Free exactly what kind of bludgeoning must we normal people learn to take? #SuperBeatDown”
“Nancy, that statement’s clearly unfair, misleading, and patently biased.”
“Thank you Mr. Free. Now Mr. Scott isn’t it true the man bludgeoned by your client was innocently walking home when he was savagely attacked by Iron Man? #IronManOrBully”
“We have no comment.”
“That’s okay. On Nancy GraceLess I let the injuries speak for themselves Mr. Scott.”
“That’s all the time we have tonight. Did Iron Man’s bludgeoning of an innocent bystander go too far? Share your thoughts, #IronManOrMenace.
And tune in tomorrow when we look at the Hot Tub Murders, and all the dirty secrets bubbling to the surface. #RubADubDubTwoDeadBodiesInATub”
I wrote this parody in response to the BlogBattle prompt, bludgeon. I stumbled on the post and the idea hit me almost instantly so I had to pursue it. And Nancy Grace just fits because, let’s face it, she’s made a career out of bludgeoning everything from the facts to her guests.
As much as I might like the car pictured above, it isn’t mine. Still I think there’s more than one story that plate has to tell, so faithful readers you may see it again. And lastly B.Mac’s illustration are tots awesome! If you missed her first two, here they are again.
Photo by Indian Macgyver
Illustrations by B. Mac’
© Chic Prune 2015